September 2012

Today, something compelled me to take some time to look back at my past journal entries. It dawned on me that this journal has accompanied me since 1969…wow has time flown! Each journal entry offers a window into a specific point in time. The resonance of those emotions all of a sudden rushes back to me as if I am reliving these moments. But my understanding of this journal has changed: I realized how important writing has been for me. It seems that I used to turn to this journal in times of overwhelming loneliness and isolation. I can remember how it felt to have no one to talk to. I have no outlet to get the pain off of my chest besides this little notebook which has stuck with me all this time. When I recall the memories from my journal, the emotions are not purely painful as they used to be. I have confronted and wrestled with them, and now they have new meaning to me. This journal is a living record of the seemingly insurmountable challenges that we have over come as a nation, and that I have overcome personally. In retrospect, I feel lucky. My immediate family is still alive, my daughter has a thriving law and education practice, and even though there have been bumps in the road out of my control I feel that Maria and I grow closer, happier, and stronger each day. The trauma of the past has faded to grey area. I am proud that we have achieved personal reconciliation, even in the absence of justice. Thus, when I look back at these past moment in the present context, I can see in our story a narrative of empowerment.

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