Dairy entry One Thousand One hundred Eighty-Two, March 3, 2000

Oh, how I hate when things from the dark past pop-up again in the news. It brings such hostility between Jorge and I. It gets even worse when Diego gets involved. He is 12 years old so he is old enough to understand what happened in Chile under Pinochet’s rule, believe me Jorge has told him all about it, but he does not know how he should handle it. He should be informed that what happened was evil and the nation should make peace with the acts of the junta and attempt to move towards a brighter future. But, that is not what Diego is getting from Jorge. He is learning to call for revenge and violent retaliation.

I knew what would happen the second I got the news that Pinochet was released from custody in Britain. Sure enough Jorge was at home, screaming at the TV. “Execute him, Execute him! Put him on stage and shoot him just like he did to Victor Jara! Just like his cronies did to Diego Rodriguez Lorca! Right in Estadio Chile.”

This happens every time something about Pinochet or a member of his regime is let off the hook, left off the executioners block. Jorge goes into a rage. I know that he will never forgive anybody for what they did during that time but this is not the way a man should behave. A man should be strong and rational, holding himself together in the face of anguish. No, every time an event like this occurs Jorge acts like an irrational little girl, an emotional mess. I do not like it when Diego see’s his father act that way. Jorge should behave like a man so that Diego will learn to behave like one too.

I know it is hard for Jorge, the reminders of the scars left behind from Pinochet’s regime are everywhere for him. The scars on his cheek still are not healed and probably never will be. Every time a basketball game is being broadcast from Estadio Chile he knows Diego Rodriguez Lorca was killed in one of those seats that someone is sitting in, watching the game without a care in the world. Hell, even the name of our child is a reminder of the loss and pain he has experienced. I don’t think he wants to forget, to let go, to find peace. Jorge wants something he can never have. Justice. Pinochet’s head on a stick. I don’t think the international community or the Chilean courts will ever give him, or all of Chile, that.

One day Diego will be able to look to the future of Chile, the future our Diego will inherit, not the Chile of the past. It is not the justice that Jorge seeks but it is the peace and prosperity that we can make.

1 thought on “Dairy entry One Thousand One hundred Eighty-Two, March 3, 2000

  1. ssvolk says:

    I hear what you’re saying, Catalina. To be consumed by so much rage is to give those who caused the pain power to cause any more. What Jorge is going through is a lot like what the country as a whole is going through. The question is, how will you change it? Can you talk to others? Can you get involved in things that will help Jorge not accept the pain he went through but understand that he must be able to live his life in the present? These are questions we all have to face.

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