Change

DEMOCRACY IS HERE….!! DEMOCRACY! Finally, after nine years of injustice, of silence and pain, it is our chance to be vindicated. Today is December 19th. Alfonsin was sworn in 10 days ago. Mona and I both came home for lunch, and we flipped on the television to watch his speech. My eyes were glued to Alfonsin’s mouth the whole time, watching as he spoke those words, “Today, the atomosphere of public immorality is over.”
Last time you and I spoke, Galtieri had royally fucked up. I was right though, remember my inkling of hope? Everything good followed. Galtieri resigned right after we lost, I guess he realized he was no Peron. The power to gather crowds isn’t always a good thing, and I guess he realized that when the protests began…HA.
We felt a quick sense of liberation after he was gone. Sure, Bignone took power but I still felt so much freer than I had in eight years! Oh, I am just starting to feel big again. Remember when I was big?! Angry? Gus has been itching to marry me but honestly I just don’t want to be tied down. My tongue is flowing, my silence is so over now, I can feel my insides fighting to leave my body. Mona, Sofia and I started a book club right after Bignone took power, in July of ‘82. The club is so awesome, we bring women together to talk about Che, Simone de Beauvoir, Foucault, everything great under our sun. In September of ‘82, Sofia got in contact with some old friends who had connections to the CGT. My little apartment in San Telmo and my little all women’s book club were soon transformed into one of the bases for the People’s March for Democracy and National Resistance. A year ago this week, the three of us were on the front lines of the march. The only negative thoughts I have now are small inklings of regret that I didn’t start this sooner. Speaking, sharing, testifying. All these actions contain some sort of justice that in some way empower me. If only I had known this when I was crumbled.
It’s not too late though. In the past ten days, everything has changed. CONADEP will expose everything. The fathers, the mothers, the siblings will finally get to tell their stories and be heard, and maybe, just maybe, these desaparecidos will be found. When I found out about the truth commission, my three faces immediately flashed before my eyes. Senor Baez, Selma, Senor Diaz. They are all dreams to me now, my own dreams, my own pain. I think about desaparecido, this word that us Argentinians have used to quietly and so heavily over the years, and what it truly means to me. Is Senor Baez dead? I can’t say he is dead or alive, nor can I about Selma or Diaz. I just know that they are gone. I’m fearful to hear these testimonies, fearful to internalize that disappeared means nothing less than death. I’ve protected myself over these years, staying silent, watching as a bystander, staying Catholic and residing in Argentina. In my new found vocal freedoms, I know that exposure is pain. I hope everyone is ready. Maybe I will come forward about my own experience.

P.S
Yesterday, Alfonsin also announced his plan to put the military junta on trial. I know a trial is warranted and all, but the disappeared didn’t get any trials did they? In my opinion, the Junta all “Deserve to Hang.”
Look! ^^ Arendt is back 😀

One thought on “Change

  1. ssvolk says:

    Hola, Inés. So you’re going to ditch Gustavo in favor of Che and Foucault! Well, good for you if that’s how you feel. Maybe we’re all going a bit crazy, thinking that with Alfonsín we can finally cut loose. I hope that’s right, although too many backs-and-forths, too many military interventions just when we think we’re free again… maybe I’ll just hold my celebrating for a bit longer. But it really seems that Alfonsín means it when he says that he’s going to bring those responsible to trial. I just hope he’s got the cojones to follow through. And you? Keep reading your Arendt!

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