April 19, 2005

I can’t believe Scilingo is being arrested not for his atrocities, but for speaking up about them. For reminding everyone of this huge cloud over their heads and history. It scared me to read his interview, when he talked of his sleepless nights and incessant need for background noise to hide from his own thoughts. Poor guy, me too. Until I remember those sleepless nights and thoughts punctured by Clara’s crying. It’s remarkable how quickly I could forget, even if just for the moment.

 

Daniel was so livid. His eyes went black when he read that Menem didn’t want to “rub salt into old wounds.” Daniel said that we should rub salt over ourselves until our skin is raw but new. I think I just let everything scab over. And I didn’t even know the wounds were there to begin with, like they were on the back of my elbows.

 

We used to always try and kiss our elbows. And I swear I did it once. I wonder if Clara remembers that.

 

I always thought that I had none, no wounds, because if I did I would have stayed. Daniel reminded me that I did stay, in my own way. I’m with him, and my first show I put on at CDS was of Aizenberg, and we have this daughter who already speaks English better than Spanish is another Argentine. “For someone who tried to run away you did a terrible job.”

 

Scilingo was a crook for bringing up these olds issues, for simultaneously confessing to being so vile and pretending not to ask for sympathy. I’m glad he was found guilty, and glad he spoke up.

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