I can not reconcile the idea that we as a nation are on the brink of war. The idea of war has become so twisted from the meaning, in the speeches of the generals it means the strong state and the unity of all Argentines against subversion. It is our leaders favorite image, the World War with Argentina fighting the vanguard action. The word punctuates every speech. I remember one speech given by Admiral Massera in which he described the governments process as “a war for freedom and against tyranny … here and now, a war against those who favor death and by those of us who favor life.” This rhetorical war of high principles bears little resemblance to the war with Chile that seems imminent. This was is one of complacent and arrogant generals bickering over an seemingly unenviable patch of land and sea.
Neither of these wars resembles the war that is fought every day in Cordoba. The war who casualties are disappeared from their homes and the streets. The war that many of my friends from the MSTM fallen in, and many more live in fear of. I have stopped praying for the return of those I know to be disappeared and have begun to pray for the souls of those I know to be dead. There is a lack of hope that existed in the first months of the “process.” The hope that the all of this would pass, that life would not be permanently altered. I do not mean to say that I believe this government will last forever, none do, , but even when this government falls the wounds it has given our country will leave scars.
If anyone ever reads these reflection, they will think me very arrogant. All vague commentary on the state of the world and nothing personal. So turning for a moment to myself, I have been made headmistress of the school at which I teach. I miss being in the classroom, but that is perhaps the area of the younger and more patient sisters than myself. I live in fear that the more radical connections I made when younger may place me at some risk. Sometimes I fear arrest, I had hoped that my habit might protect me from notice or danger, but then last year two nuns involved with the Mothers of the Plaza de Mayo were kidnapped from the streets. I have not been involved with anything as public as those protests, so perhaps I am being paranoid. Perhaps however I would be safer outside Cordoba, away from old friends and old ways.