December 13th, 2015
Christmas is less than two weeks away; I cannot believe another year has gone by. I am 70 years old now, I have certainly lived a full life. Diego is now 13 while his younger sister Justina is 10. Watching them grow up has been the single greatest experience of my life. Coming to fatherhood so late in life, and having lived through so much darkness, I never expected to find that so much joy, happiness and personal growth would come out of raising children. My wife Carmen is a wonderful mother.
I have never told my family about my experiences under the regime, the imprisonment and torture. I do not want them to know about that part of my life, I do not want to tarnish their understanding of my life before I had them. More importantly, I do not want to relive those wretched years. I have never come to terms with them, never made my peace. I simply moved on and tried to forget, to see the beauty in the present. I do not know how else I could have handled it. There was no true justice for the criminals that ruled Chile for 17 years. Their was no repentance. I am not even sure what the truth is, what righteousness is. When I joined the MIR I thought I had been doing the right thing, but I hindsight, decades after, it is not so clear to me.
Thinking about Christmas this year has for some reason made me reflect on my former religiosity and conservatism. I have gone through different personas in my life, I never would of thought as a young man that I would one day be imprisoned for opposing the government as part of a radical leftist group. I never would have believed during my imprisonment that I would one day find the happiness that I have now. I do not know what to expect for the future. All I can do is try to live in the present and enjoy the goodness in front of me.