Dec. 29, 1990 / Buenos Aires, Argentina

Dear Diary,

I thought I wouldn’t be writing in this journal again, since I was reunited with my mother and father. Writing in this diary was therapeutic but now itĀ reminds me of dark times. I have so much to say, and it is probably worth saying. So in 1984 I was reunited with my mother. Insane. At the time, I was happy but also so scared. She is my mother but I had never had any sort of relationship with her. I was scared that things wouldn’t be like either of us had imagined. Later that year my father was found! Both of them had disappeared. The things that happened to them…I cringe at the thought. I don’t think either of them has told me everything, understandably. Anyways after my family was reunited, we decided that a new start was necessary. Although my mother and father were not planning to get back together, they were amicable and decided to be in the same city. We relocated to Buenos Aires. So different than Cordoba! I love the city, though. I got married in 1987 to a girl who I met after only being in the city for a few weeks. Her name is Sofia. I love her. I think our bond is so special because during the dirty war, the idea of love and marriage and family wasn’t even an option. What we have is good, and we are both so happy. Unfortunately, her parents were disappeared and never found. Her family was very involvedĀ in Argentine politics. We are living in an apartment in Buenos Aires. We both have good jobs and are looking forward to starting a family. My relationship with my parents is good. Although very different, I am just so thankful they are back in my life. My mother and I having slowly been making progress. We never knew each other. I still feel like we are learning about each other. We have yet to discuss why she left when I was a baby. She says she wants to explain at some point. I told her there is not need. She has been through so much. If I am being totally honest, though, I want to know why.

When I heard the news that members of the military junta had been pardoned, I was shocked, saddened and angry. These guys destroyed my family! I never thought they would get away. I think the worst part is for people like my parents who suffered directly at the hands of these men. The hopelessness! When Alfonsin became president and began to implement changes, I remember thinking that something like the dirty wars could never happen again. Our nation cannot move on if we never get justice! I am so angry that my thoughts aren’t even coherent. I do not know how President Menem can justify this action. I found out through my mother. I was heading home after work and I thought I would surprise her and visit. When I saw her, I could tell she was visibly upset. She had been crying. I think she was more so sad and hopeless, rather than mad. I cried with her. This men had ruined her life, and know our government was letting them go. I can’t imagine. Shameful. I thought we had moved forward, past that dark time in our history. Now it is back upon us. What can we do? Our democratic government is letting this fools go. I am so confused. The world doesn’t make sense. Justice seems so logical. I do not know what he can be thinking.

I remember talking to my mother days after I was reunited with her. We had one of the most honest discussions we have had since being back together. She was talking about getting taken and the torture she faced. But what we were discussing/trying to understand was why. The absurdity made no sense to her. She told me that full justice was never going to be possible. The people who died, who had been raped, who had been tortured, they will never be the same. They will never get to have their lives back. With that in mind, I am even more angry. It seems like the least that could happen would be to have some sort of justice for these men. Just some! The events of the dirty war seem to be haunting all of us. Even if we want them to go away, they won’t.

Fernando

1 thought on “Dec. 29, 1990 / Buenos Aires, Argentina

  1. ssvolk says:

    So much has happened with your family, Fernando. Thanks for sharing it with me.

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