I am more optimistic than ever that the junta might finally fall soon. I hate that my world is one where happiness stems from my country losing a war. In April, the Argentine military invaded the Falkland Islands. It hoped to regain sovereignty from the British. The conflict only lasted ten weeks and the British won easily. I am optimistic because I think todays defeat could finally lead to the regime losing some control. The defeat is an embarrassment for our nation. The regime can torture and disappear innocent Argentines, yet it gets annihilated when it fights against other armed forces. The defeat has to delegitimize the regime on an international level.
Anyways, my father is still gone. It has now been over four months. I have heard nothing. I didn’t expect to, though. The worst part is that I can’t do anything. I feel like if I seek out any information about him, I am putting myself at tremendous risk for getting taken myself. Also, I do not think the regime would give me any information even if I asked and pleaded. They want to put me in this state of limbo. Terrible. I stopped going to work shortly after my father was taken. Originally I thought I would have to keep working as not to cause suspicions. I told my boss shortly after my father was taken that I had gotten another job that paid better. I am very lucky that my father is friends with Leonardo and Giovanni’s father. He has been paying part of my rent now that I don’t have a job. My days are very boring and lonely but I feel safe. That is what matters most.
I often spend my days thinking about what’s happening. I try to understand. It all seems irrational. All of it. Why is the military repressing us? For power? I simply cannot comprehend that. One of the most upsetting things for me is the randomness of it all. Like, my father is a good man. Not only is he a good man, but he is an innocent man. He hasn’t done anything wrong. I know it. Before my father was taken, I always had seeds of doubt in my head about others who had disappeared. I tried to give the military the benefit of the doubt. Maybe these people had done something wrong. Once my father was gone, I was sure the military was evil. Since my father has disappeared, there has been a level of certainty that has been reassuring. I trust that my father was a good man, and no matter what the military does, I will always know that. I look forward to happier times.