March 11th 1990
I am overjoyed that this day has come. The dictatorship is ending. Part of me had truly lost hope. During my time in torture it was as if everything had lost its meaning – nothing but darkness remained in me. The last bit of hope slipped out of me towards the end of my years in prison. Only some bestial survival instinct kept me alive. Now it is as if my struggles had more of a purpose.
This reflection certainly seems cliché and in many ways perhaps it is. I am not trying to say that all the pain has disappeared, only that it seems to have been for something now. I need to find a new meaning to my life to carry on. I was such an idealist before the coup, it seems so foolish now. I am not going back to past absolutes or oversimplifications. However I still believe – perhaps sill foolishly in good and the possibility of progress and betterment.
When released, after spending some time with my family, I moved back to Santiago to try to carry on the work I have been trying to do all my life in different ways – building a better Chile. I am starting a network of torture survivors who are still committed to change. I refuse to let what has happened in the past ruin the future.